In that conversation, I realize(d) that I have a relationship with both my weight and the ongoing-conversation about my weight. Although I actually have not fluctuated more than about 10-13 lbs over the last 7 years (I found some old journals and pics to verify that), each time I stare a picture it is like the first time I have ever noticed my weight, that roll, whatever. And each time, I find myself starting some new plan or new idea or new motivation. Sure, I make it Sunday through Wednesday; but by Thursday I want to eat the stuff I enjoy. And whatever progress was made in the first half of the week is quickly undone - and then the cycle begins again.
I need to be a commercial! I have tried it all! For the sake of easy numbers, I have tried...
Weight Watchers
10 times @ $45 = $450
By far, the most effective and cost-efficient option I have used. I could eat real food the meetings were more effective than being online and it was basic - you have decisions to make. It wasn't that I couldn't eat pizza; but I certainly couldn't eat it and eat a burger and fries in the same day/week.
Hydroxycut / Metabolife / SlimQuick / Cellucor
10 @ $23 = $230
I could never actually find the right time/dosage to avoid being awake all night. Plus, I probably should have eaten cleaner while using these products.
Meal Replacement Shakes - GNC / Slim Fast
$34 + $10 = $44
I actually like these. I can't assess their effectiveness b/c I let the mental of just wanting to chew my food or eat what I liked get in the way of letting the Shakes be an actual meal Other times, I had so much fruit and bullsh*t in there, they probably weren't healthy any more anyway.
Adipex
$34
This is a prescription. I managed to experience every side effect mentioned. So, this was short lived for me.
Advocare
$100
Over the last 7 years, I am pretty sure I have dumped more than $850 into products that should have / would have made my weight loss more productive and/or permanent. Oh, plus there are the countless gym fees, Zumba classes, etc. So, for the sake of easy numbers lets go with $15 a month for 5 years: $1200. What the fuck?! When you look at the pure numbers, I should be at my target weight by now. But... I'm not. And do I blame the products?! No. I blame me - b/c I don't think I made it more than about 14 days on any one of them.
Now, that doesn't include all of the times I ran to the grocery store on a Sunday to "prepare" for the week and bought a bunch of random stuff that I swore I was going to eat - but didn't. Nor does that include the tennis shoes (or sneakers for my friends on the east coast), leggings, etc I have purchased in order to "motivate myself" to a workout. If I had to guess, I can definitely tack on an additional $40 a week twice a month for 5 years and a few trips to target: $1400.
Over the last 5-7 years, we are looking at $3450!! And since I have been struggling with weight since I was 20 and am now 35; that is about a total of $10, 350! That is a year's tuition at a state university - but I still don't have the weight, body nor overall health that I actually want. That is absolutely ri-damn-diculous.
I guess one could say that I am "lucky" that my weight hasn't really changed much over the last 5-7 years. But, that's just it... My weight hasn't changed in 5-7 years!
So... Back to the conversation... I have a relationship with my weight. Attempting to lose weight - and the conversations that go along with that - have been the focus of my life/friendships for a long time. What will I do without this ongoing conversation/complaint? What will I worry about if I actually manage to get the size/shape I want? And for all the time people swore as soon as I lost some weight, Mr. Right would show up; what am I supposed to do with the idea that I am already happily married - that someone thinks I pretty damn hot anyway?
Today's reality: My Battle has been expensive - namely b/c I am looking for a quick fix and b/c whether went with a product or the old-fashion way; I am too inconsistent to see any meaningful results. My Battle has become a staple if my life and conversations; so if/when I start getting it together: either new topics or new friends.
I work well with numbers - having raw data to support a theory/idea/platform. Maybe this piece/dose of reality will be the thing to get me on track - for real.
