Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Day 1 (Day 1 #4564784) Starts Tomorrow.  Why "this time" HAS to be Different!

Usually, I am all fun and games - complete with doses of sarcasm and self-deprecating humor. Today, though I am writing from a place of real vulnerability.  Okay, "vulnerability" is probably an exaggeration for effect.  But, for real... Today, I had an epiphany of sorts.  I am - literally - addicted to food.  

I can't drop any weight b/c my entire life revolves around food.  It is really a bit much. In fact, it is almost embarrassing.  The day before I start down the path of another "Fresh Start" or "Starting next week (Monday)"; I am literally anxious about the idea of having to give up a few foods - for a short period of time.  My intellectual side realizes it is ridiculous to act as if 8 weeks of eating like I have a brain is not a life sentence.  In fact, it is my intellectual side that stands in AWE of my non-sensible anxiety that when I am able to get back to eating - yes, eating the same b*llsh*t that has had me writing the same blog for a year - there will be no pizza nor Starbucks left on the planet.  

I took the first step, I owned my Addiction.  In fact, I looked online  for an Over-eaters Anonymous meeting.  There was a conference call - which I promptly got on.  I was on the call approximately 5 minutes before I politely hung up.  I understood the premise BUT the Leader was so damn awful. And the participants - well, lets just say I developed a visual of someone being 500lbs and homebound.  (I know... I suck.)

Anyway, what has inspired this latest wave of "readiness".  Well, lets see - and let me use my Educator Training as I list these things...
Losing weight is important to me because...
1.  I feel like crap - sluggish, lazy, headaches and - now - chest pain
2.  I want to look and feel better in my clothes
3.  I have a Father, Husband and Dog that want and need me to be here
4.  This battle has been going on for 15 years; I am tired of losing!
5.  My post from March/April - the Economics of the Struggle - holds true.  And since that time, i have only added additional expenses/money to that blog and have no results.

So, tomorrow is Day #1 of 60ish (well, 58 - but 60 sounds so much more dramatic).  I commit to keep this blog updated.  I commit to being honest and open about this experience.  And I commit to going full throttle into this endeavor!

Starting Point: 212