May 2015 - The Struggle Continues, But... I Think There's Hope - b/c My Clothes Dont Fit

I don't have anything earth-shattering to type.  Read the other Blogs - they are pretty hilarious and true.

The most recent update:  I have gained approximately 10 lbs in a year (according to #TimeHop app).  I am officially sitting well over 200 lbs.  I also can feel the food and choices making me feel worse/bad - sluggish, lazy, craving random, eating for sport (and not b/c I am hungry) and watching the 5% of muscle tone I had disappear into fat and cellulite.

So.... My Husband and I are on a journey - together.  I guess there is a time when you are finally sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Unfortunately, it took us extreme weight gain and lack-of-overall health to get to that place.  Unfortunately, the fact that I have this conversation at the start of almost every week for the last 5 years and have not managed to be successful --> in a complete disbelief that my new commitment is even reasonable.

This evening, I am preparing for a big presentation.  And I realized - while standing in the closet - that my wardrobe ranges in size from about a 10 to a 16.  Who does that?!  I also noticed that I put on a jacket in preparation for the event. It was tight.  I as annoyed.  That made me want to go and eat something stupid - or slit my wrists.  (Figure of speech)  I opted not to do either, instead I am blogging.

I guess the silver lining is that a recent trip to the Doctor enlightened me that my weight gain has an actual medical root.  So, I am not blowing up like a puffer fish simply b/c I am eating more calories than normal.  I am extremely aware that my food choices are making it worse, so don't get me wrong.

But, for the month of May - in honor of my upcoming Birthday, I have launched #MayMakeover.  Its a multi-faceted campaign designed for me to really get control of my life - including my weight.  My focus has shifted in the last few weeks.  There are so many things that I have noticed do not taste as good as I remember them.  Maybe it is my subconscious simply saying to me:  B*tch!! You really need to get it together.  But, since you can't, let me help you :-/!!

I did some real Fat Girl Sh*t Today... For the love of God - Enough is Enough

Is it time - yet?!  Damn!  I have heard and read my own comments and FB posts about losing weight for so long, I am sick of my damn self.  The other day, I posted a meme that said "Here we go...Time to get ready for those 'New Year, New Me' " posts.  I hate those!  The irony - and sad truth - I am still claiming "new week" and "new me" EVERY week.  I guess what is different this time:  I - literally - feel crappy. Well, not overall, but I do feel craptastic from an overall health standpoint.

I have read all of the articles and blogs.  I have watched all of the Netflix movies and the YouTube personal vlogs.  I have done all the research.  One thing that most great Weight Loss Success Stories have in common: some epic catalyst that changes people overnight (or so it seems).  What is prevalent in most made-for-TV weight loss / makeover stories is that the person (usually a woman - of course) is all frumpy and miserable when she is fat.  Then, she suddenly starts working out, getting cute and their entire life turns around.

Well, none of the above will be my story.  Not only am I a relatively happy person - already; that overnight "spark" has failed for me all 500 times that I have tried it. I am not walking around all frumpy and miserable - barely showering or ironing my clothes (like all of the "before" pics).  I simply want to feel - and look - better!

There are some realities that come with being either overweight and/or unhappy with one's appearance.  That is what I am going to focus on when writing.  There are moments I have in my life every day that I realize I want/need to drop some weight.  It's not going to be pretty nor fun.  I am not a relatively fit person that needs to tone up a few areas.  Nope, I am an overall health and wellness TRAIN WRECK - complete with a laundry list of bad habits that I need to work on.  (Did I just end a sentence with a preposition?!  Don't tell my Mother)

There were a few moments today that I felt fat:
1.  I did the fat girl rock to get out of a seated position from a deep/cushy couch
2.  My Father asked if my butt was getting bigger (ah...it wasn't "creepy", it was a a wake up call)
3.  I walked up 2 sets of stairs; I was winded when I got to the top of the 30 steps.
That is 3 moments today - 3 moments that happened between 10a and 7pm.  What?!

What I usually do it jump-and-down and promise that "tomorrow", I am going cold turkey.  I last about 20 minutes and then I am right back to normal.  So... none of that - this time.  I have made a decision, so I need to put things in my path that will ensure my success.